So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
