I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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