i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
