is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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