PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
