I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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