So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
