All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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