Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
