He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
