dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize