She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
