There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
