Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
