so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
