so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
