i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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