i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
