she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
