It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
