his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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