we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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