Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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