You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Come on in and take your pants off
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