You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
