he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
