If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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