Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
