If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
