Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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