Welp...herpes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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