You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
