i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
