I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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