This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
