i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
