Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
why is half of my head shaved?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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