Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
