Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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