I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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