so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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