All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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