your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
bring money and cleavage
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize