I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
