Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
