when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
