My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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