Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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