The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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