My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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