yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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