She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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