I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
