we're blogging at a bar
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
