i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
