where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
