I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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