I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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