No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
