Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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