it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
