you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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