The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We left an ass print on the piano.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
