dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
