If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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