I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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