Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
