We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
