dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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