no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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