Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
