I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
they need to just BURY HIM!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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