matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
