Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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