I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My liver just had a heart attack.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
