i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I checked into jail on foursquare
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
