i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
