The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
