If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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