you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
