So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
