When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
