Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i think i just lost a toe
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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