I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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