Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
