his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
