Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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