haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
