What did we do last night that was yellow?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Let's paint friendship bongs
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
