Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
