Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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