We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
