There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
