My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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