Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
