He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
