my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
COCAINE IS GR8
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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