my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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