also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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