it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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