What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just had sex on a roof
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
