Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
