So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
