I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm at about main and main street
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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