sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
