Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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