Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
