he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
