Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
