Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
