I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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