You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
