i just had sex bonerless
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize